What's up with the Korean Public Bath (Matthew's male perspective)

The Korean Public bath or 'mog youk tong' is certainly one of the elements of the Korean culture that I have embraced... This is how it goes down...

First, you find a sign with a symbol that closely resembles a cup of noodles. This weird symbol means that either the place your entering is a cheap love motel or that the building has a public bath in it. You can never find a restaurant that sells cup of noodles in a building sporting this deliciously odd symbol... this I'm sure of!

Second, once you go in and find out that your not in a love motel (see previous blogs for descriptions of these shady little places) the men go to the men's floor and the women go to the woman's floor.

The next thing that happens shocks me, it makes me jump every time I see it, there's really no way to mentally prepare yourself for it ... every time you go it will surprise you and make you jump or at least catch you off guard a little...

Soon as you step off the elevator it hits you... there's like 40 buck naked Korean dudes just 'hanging out' in the lobby... and I mean hanging out in the most literal way I could possibly mean 'hanging out'!!! They all act as though they aren't even naked or maybe they think that they are wearing invisible clothes. Either way its a little weird... It's also a requirement that these places have many leather couches clustered around a big giant Korean made Plasma T.V. The naked dudes love to flop bare balls on the leather and watch their favorite Korean Dramas.

Next, after you get over the initial shock of where you are, you get naked ,throw all you crap in a locker, and make your way past a big glass door... TIP- Make sure you hit up the water cooler before you go in because your at a definite risk of dehydration!

When you get in you usually see a beautiful layout with marble or jade slab floors and walls and skylight ceilings, 3 saunas, a million showers, and maybe 4 or 5 pools... and of course more naked dudes.

It's a requirement that you MUST shower first, even if you just showed at home, you still must shower again. You get 3 options- normal shower (like at the Lawson), sitting down shower (it's like a midget's shower, with a retractable spray nozzle. You sit on a tiny little stool and spray yourself with the retractable spray nozzle) and cripple or lazy mans shower (this is like a massage table with a retractable spray nozzle nearby. You just pay another dude, lay on the table, and he does all the dirty work). After you choose your shower, you use a scrubber and scrub till you skin turns pink and your body's numb from scrubbing off all nerve endings in your entire body. Remember to ask somebody to scrub hard to reach spots like the middle of your back (this is a sign of camaraderie in Korean culture)!

When you look like you got a bad sun burn, it's finally time to enjoy the bath...

I like hanging in the dry sauna first, the temp is usually steady at 83 degrees, and they have herbs that delightfully scent the wood room. When I'm hallucinating from the heat ( or maybe the herbs) I usually take a dip in the pools, there are also many types of pools- hot, hotter, and hottest... and of course how could I forget... ICE COLD! There is even 2 medicine herb pool at the place I go to (this, I hear, is a bit of a luxury). I usually hit up the hottest pool first because after coming out of the sauna it doesn't feel as hot... then, just before I pass out from heat exhaustion I like, crawl to the ice cold pool to revive and refresh my soul. I hang out in the cold then take a dip in the medicine pool.

There's so much to do it's really fun... the most awkward moment was definitely when two 8 year old girls were staring at my penis... I mean everybody in the place stares- they all want to see if the rumours are true about the 'cultural differences'... but who let these 8 year old girls in???
They should be on the girls floor and they were totally following me around... definitely the most awkward moment in Korea so far!

Other than that creepy little incident ... the public bath is one of my favorite places to peace out!