Old Ass Palaces and Museams Were Some of Our Highlights From Our Trip to Seoul Last Month.

Did the South Korean Government Bribe the Taliban!?!

The South Korean people breathed a big sigh of relief as the remaining hostages were released from the hands of the Taliban earlier this week. Interestingly enough, the reaction has been markedly different than that portrayed by the international media.

One can't help but ask the question, "Why did the Taliban, one of the most notorious, if not the most notorious terrorist group in the world, release the remaining 19 South Korean hostages that they were holding over the past month or so???".

The reason could seemingly be more complicated than what the international media is reporting.

Firstly, the fact that the South Korean government decided to engage in negotiations with a terrorist group, as opposed to the more common policy of refusing to negotiate with terrorist organizations (a policy of most major powers), gives the Taliban legitimacy on the world stage.

Secondly, the fact that the Taliban got something in return for the hostages will further reinforce that kidnapping and killing innocent people is productive, and will undoubtedly cause more of these events to occur.

Thirdly, about 40 % of the South Koreans that I've informally polled believe that the South Korean government likely offered money to the Taliban to secure their safe release. Local Korean news agencies are actually reporting that the actual dollar amount given to the Taliban was 16 billion Korean won (20 billion USD). After all, why would the Taliban release the prisoners on the promise that Korean would leave Afghanistan completely by 2008 when the Korean government had already planned to do this last year, long before the hostages we taken?

Anyways, with all speculation aside, the Koreans are supremely happy with the actions of their government in dealing with this conflict. The government got mega brownie points with the masses on this one ... ohh yeah... did I mention that there is a national election in Korean in the next few months???

One has to ponder, with all politicing aside, the value of human life....

Does it really matter who gave who what, and what the morality and motives of both sides involved were? The fact is that the 19 hostages were released, weren't killed, and are currently reunited with their loving families. Can one really put a price on this???

This is a poem that came in deep meditation, while sipping a cup of tea...

The universe is in a cup of tea

one sip

and we touch everything

Farting in Korea.... No One Flinches



It's always interesting to observe how a culture reacts to the raunchier, bawdy, side of living. Those aspects that are very visceral and yet so very natural. I believe that by examining closely the culture, manners, and rituals surrounding the of removal of bodily wastes one can gain a better understanding of the intricacies of a culture. Anyways, here we go...



Washrooms in Korea

Of course they're small. But other than the obvious they also usually smell like stinky-skink urine and have no hand soap, warm water, paper towel, hand dryer, and/or hand towel (did I mention that there is NO hand sanitizer in Korea). This is the kicker, about half of the toilets don't have any toilet paper. You gotta bring your own in. The Koreans call it tissue but they use the same roll as paper towel, Kleenex, and as a napkin.

There is always a urinal in the Men's Room and most often the urinal has a window just above it that seems to frame an amazing view showcasing a beautiful cityscape or mountainous landscape. I shit you not (chuckle), some of the most scenic places I've seen in Korea were enjoyed while urinating. The Men's rooms also accommodate a toilet that is in most cases a 'squatter'. A squatter is what it sounds like- a porcelain hole in the ground that can only be used when placing ones body over it in a squatting position.

I have managed to completely avoid using the squatter in Korea. Most of my friends can't believe it. Apparently there is some heavy scientific evidence for the health benefits of squatting. It's supposed to improve the healthy flow of crap in the intestines. That still isn't enough to convince me to squat. To tell you the honest truth I'm a little scared of using the squatter...

It's extremely rare but it happens. Sometimes I got a long one just dangling out then before it splashes gracefully into the water below, I fart. The result is as if some mini toilet terrorist planted a timed explosive device in my feces, trying to exploit the very moment to impart the most destruction. The fart sends little shards flying this way and that. The final product looks as though an artist with only brown paint splatter painted the whole bowl.

If something of this magnitude happened when I was squatting the consequences would be dire.

I guess I could always pack an extra pair of socks.

Hi!

The thin rain coated our skin- we could see the mist rising from the mountain valleys... we visited Hain Temple one more time.

Slopping and Shopping- The Story of How One Can Furnish Their Korean Apartment Without Opening Their Wallet

Ohhh we had a problem on our hands...



In April we moved from my tinny shoe box apartment to a much larger (but not as big as big as our apartment in Canada) apartment. We were filled with such joy & happiness that we were finally moving to a much more livable space. A place where one could do yoga without touching all walls, a place that you could actually have company come over, a place with more than just once small room posing as whole apartment, and most importantly, a place that truly felt like home.



Moving was, in and of itself, a strange experience. A near-midget sized, chain smoking, sixty year old Korean man woke Alissa and I up as he knocked on our apartment door one hour earlier than what we were told. Alissa and I were barely awake as we witnessed this short stalky, rugged man who could not speak a sniff of English just barge in and start throwing our boxes of carefully packed (and sometimes fragile) items into the back of his circa 1980s beater 1/4 ton Hyundai truck. This man carried himself more like a garbage man with home time on his mind than a mover, he wasted no time and didn't even hesitate to lift even then fridge on his hunched back. With lit smoke dangling between chapped lips he didn't even hesitate to whip it out and piss in our toilet in clear sight of Alissa and I, the bathroom door wide open as if it did not even exist.





When everything was said and done, Alissa, the midget mover, the directors of our school, and I stared at the new apartment. It had quite the opposite feel of the place we just moved from. Although everything we had from our old apartment was moved into our new pad, it still felt empty. Our old place was so small that there was literally no room for anything- a bed, a fridge, a desk, a dresser, and a washing machine-the essentials- was all that could be packed into that little place. These items barely demanded any space in our new place. As I offered the small old man a coke, I couldn't help but feel that our apartment needed a little something more before it could truly be called a home. The old man smiled.




This is the problem that a lot of English teachers face in Korea...



The contracts that we sign clearly state that we will be offered a fully furnished apartment but when you get here often one sometimes finds that 'fully furnished' actually means 'barley furnished'.



It's difficult for anyone to justify buying all new furniture for only a year stay- that's so completely wasteful.



How do foreign English teachers deal with such a problem...



They DUMPSTER DIVE.



The bums in Regina do it. Our friends in Korea do it. And, of course, Alissa and I do it. Alissa and I would even go as far as saying that its our new hobby. I bet you'd be hard pressed to see me pass a trash heap (that are piled up in front of every telephone pole in Korea) without giving it a little look-see.

I see myself as a noble pioneer, an environmental crusader with reusing in the forefront of my mind. In fact all of the furniture that adorns our new house is from the stinky trash heaps that are such an eyesore to some.

Remember Kids... REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE.

One Korean Rose Bush

I was so amazed how one rose bush on my way to work was blossoming in chilly Mid-November that I wrote this poem...

These roses are confused about life

They bloom in mid-November

Why is something so fragrant & so beautiful

confused about its place?

or

maybe it already knows its place.

Can you blossom in the coldest of times?

We All Had Our Roles and Duties.

Mr. & Mrs. Kim were selling tea, decorating, packaging, networking, flower arranging, tea steeping, tea serving, cleaning, and schmoozing.

Their 9 year old son, Kim Jong Oh, did the playing, picture taking, and of course networking (what person can resist the charm of a 9 year old child).

My main goal was to learn as much as humanly possible about the world of tea, but, of course, I got caught up in the excitement of being a part of the team. How could I resist, they even found me a totally naturally dyed, hand made, Daegu-old-style, odor absorbing, traditional common peoples, Korean clothes!

When an old lady who happened to be the head professor of Tea Studies at a University in Seoul saw me in the green hanbok (traditional Korean clothes) she wisely noted,

"You are truly in harmony with the green tea you sell"

We Set Up the Display Table Late Tuesday Evening... Wednesday Was the First Day of the International Tea Festival!!!

This Post Is Dedicated To Our Good Friend... Fanta!

Did you know these bizzire but interesting facts about Fanta...

• Fanta is one of the top soft drinks in Korea
• You can find it at all convenient stores and at all bars- even if all they have only one soft drink in their fridge, chances are it's Fanta
• Fanta tastes great with soju or, at the very least, just as a chaser
• There's a giant private Kindergarten by our school that is sponsored by the famous soft drink.
• There is even a Fanta bus and hideous little yellow and orange coloured Fanta school uniforms that the little Fantaites (!?!) prance around in!!!
• Yes... it's a fact... Koreans love Fanta!

Thanks so much to our good friend, Fanta, and all others who post on this blog... it really makes our day.

This Is What Happens When You Engulf Yourself (Completely) In Korean Culture...

I had a few holidays to burn off in the next few months and I really wanted to take the plunge and completely cut off ties from my western friends and Western life (what very little remains in Korea) while learning about something Korean that I was interested in. I was going to live with the Buddhist Monks for a week in the temple (I'm not joking) then I was made an offer that I couldn't refuse. A family and close friends of mine (the Kim's) who own and operate a tea art store and also handmade tea in the mountains (I run with interesting crowds here in Korea I tell ya) were going up to Seoul for a week to the International Tea Festival- they gave me the open invitation to go with them. They can only speak limited English and I only very limited Korean so I would really be caught in the thick of it!! I thought it sounded great as I have developed a deep love and appreciation for Korean Tea and yearned for more knowledge. I was to leave with them the morning of Tuesday June 26th at 11:00- here's how the first few hours of the trip went...

I met them at the tea shop just in time to watch them pack as much tea as humanly possible into a white beater mini van and clean the tea shop from top to bottom (it was going to be a crowed ride to Seoul). After departing in a rush 3 hours late, our white beauty broke down filled full of tea that had to make it to Seoul tonight. EEEEE! We had just pumped a 500 won coin into the toll road machiney-thingy and then the van just completely stalled and wasn't going to budge even when the tow truck guy tried his magic on it. So Mr. Kim went with the tow truck guy to the shop in town and we did what all good, old school, conservative Koreans do when things go bad...

We hitched a ride to the temple and prayed to Buddha!

Well actually they prayed to Buddha and I got lost in what seemed like hours of uninterrupted, completely still seated Korean style Zen mediation (I've been doing that a lot these days).

When I came to I was higher than a kite and loving life. After eating some watermelon in the hot-as-balls summer heat with the head monk of the temple and some of the other old Buddhist ladies, and discussing ways off improving zen mediation (the head Buddhist monk apparently speaks good English and gave me a very zen-like answer to my question "What is the best way to practice zen?")...

The time was 4:18 and we were finally off to Seoul 5 hours and 42 minutes late...

Bees

This is the first picture I took in Korea. I snapped it on my first day as I walked through a park to my school for the first time.

I was shock at the size of these bees, about as thick and as long as my middle finger. They looked majestic as they glided and hovered to and from their inverted-top-shaped nest that teetered at the end of a bush, busier or at least as busy as anyone I encountered in Korea.

I took a few seconds, in awe, to just take in this sight that was so completely new to me. It was so surprising to me that young children skateboarded, played catch, and squeaked around in training-wheel-bound-bikes, old men and woman strolled about but no one even glanced, nor even batted an eyelash at these king bees.

Day after day as I past through the park, I would say hello and marvel at the sight of the giant bees. Never hesitating to push back the boughs of the bush to get a good look at my new friends. The wonder and beauty of such a sight always made me smile from ear to ear.

One day when I made my daily stop to visit the bees. I was stung, shocked actually at the fact that the bees were not there, the nest was not there either. Actually the whole bush was hacked in half, only the stump and a few branches near the lower half of the thick bush remained. It looked like someone just sawed the top right off. The sight was so unusual in the presence of so many bushes that were green, full, and untouched. I was saddened that my friends were gone.

I showed one of the Korean teachers at my school the (above) picture that I took of the bees. Her eyes bugged out at the sight of the picture and she immediately asked me if I had taken the picture.

I said "of course".

She lively exclaimed "Do you know what those are???"

I said "They look like bees to me.... what are they?"

"They are king bees!"

At that time I explained to her the majesty of the bees.

She really didn't seem to be interested in my beautiful and careful assessment of these little majesties.

She interrupted, "If you get stung by one of those you die!"

Jeju Is Famous For Three Things: Women, Rock, and Wind

The rock on Jeju is all volcanic, there's practically no surface water after it rains. The friendly locals of Jeju love to claim that their rock resemble things. Check out the pics above for Dragon rock, and two different man faced rocks.

We couldn't help but check out the famous women of Jeju, particularly the Haenyeo, the wetsuit clad divers of Jeju. These woman are said to dive to the depths of 20 M without any scuba gear. They are only equipped with their black wetsuits, blue fins, gloves, a floating basket, and a net. They make a living diving for shell fish that line the sea bed around Jeju. Nowadays, few young woman are choosing this profession, consequently most of the women are seniors. Alissa and I took a few priceless minutes to watch the the Haenyeo toil in the soil of the sea. When they surface they let out a soft tranquil moan that sounds much like the muted moan of a sea lion in the distance. The sounds of the Haenyeo and the waves crashing along the rocky shore was one of the highlights for Alissa and I.

Luckily, all three days on the island were beautiful, hot, sunny. Their were no hurt feelings about us not experiencing Jeju's famous wind!!!

We Checked Out the Shadiest Aquarium Ever.... Pacific Land on Jeju

It was a strange highlight on our marvelous 3 day holiday (May 25-28).

We paid for a dolphin show but ended up getting a lot more than what we paid for...

First we took in a monkey show that was perhaps one of the most ridiculously funny things I've seen in my short life so far. The pesky primates were all dressed in gym clothes and were all working out and playing sports at the command of their trainer. I think I laughed the whole way through. At the end, they even preformed a rock concert, playing the ukulele, drums, cymbals, and organ. Absolutely, and most positutely, ridiculous!!!

Then the seal show- a whole lot of balancing stuff on their noses, slapping, clappin, and barking (or what ever that noise that they make is called).

The dolphin show was spectacular and action packed as the dolphins, weaved, dove, balanced, dived, sprayed, twirled, and dazzled the small crowd.

At the end Alissa and I paid the 5 dollars to shake the fin and get a picture with one of the dolphins!!!

The SEX MUSEUM!!!!

It boasted that it was "The First and Largest Sex Museum in the World" with 79, 080 square feet of sexual sexiness....

who was I to argue with them.

Alissa and I were especially curious about the sex museum because Korea is so conservative when it comes to sex. Most girls in Korea deny that they have sex and sex is a lot more taboo than it is in Canada. A 25 year old Korean friend of Alissa's even asked her how you get AIDS. Needless to say Korea is a little behind in educating their youth on sex health and education.

The museum was a mixture of education, culture, fun, and of course down right and dirty smut!

Although most of the signage was only in Korean, we still had a blast. Here are some of the highlights of our trip to this stimulating museum ...

• The Phone Booth Phone Sex- one phone booth had a Korean woman's voice and the other had a Korean man's voice.
• The Traditional Korean Honeymoon Exhibit- The exhibit consisted of the facade of an old Korean House, with thatched wooden doors that were covered in rice paper. The rice paper had holes poked out where you were to peek in. When you did this a large screen was playing a porno of a 'Traditional Korean Honeymoon'. The movie had traditional clothes and all (or lack of clothes)!
• The History of the Pad Exhibit- It showcased the evolution of devices used during that time of the month (see above pic).
• The Japanese Animation, Sex, and Culture Room- It was filled with toys, models, displays, and cartoons of popular Japanese adult animation characters.
• The Statue Garden- The entrance of the museum was littered with towering 15 foot granite penises, and of course, vagina, breasts , and many nudes. A group of 70 year old Korean ladies made us chuckle as they posed for a picture under the massive erections of massive erections.

Alissa and Matt Lost on the Back Roads of Jeju!!!

Alissa and I fished up at the tea museum, unable to get a taxi (they were all booked up), we headed out on foot. We trudged along the back roads with our heavy packs around our shoulders. It was so humid the sweat formed a silhouette of our backpacks straps on our thin shirts. We walked, walked, talked, and walked. There were few cars on the newly paved but virtually empty, narrow road that weaved through the dense greenery and small farms.

Feeling the fatigue of the long walk, we decided to stop for a rest against a wall of neatly stacked volcanic rocks that are so characteristic of the island. To our surprise, behind the unsuspecting wall was a swamp loaded with breathtaking lotus flowers. We took a few minutes to absorb the beauty of the picturesque scene. Then we started off again.

Alissa and I were beginning to get exhausted and cranky. We stumbled upon an old church with a small metal cross on its metal frame steeple that was covered in vines. We decided, partly as a joke and partly because we couldn't walk much further, to pray to God for someone, anyone, to pick us up!

Soon as we fished our prayer we saw a white sedan in the distance, jokingly I suck my thumb out (the international symbol of hitchhiking) and sure enough it pulled to the side of the road.

The Korean lady inside could speak good English. She told us to jump in and to just move the Bible that was in her back seat to the front!!!

God had answered our prayers!!!

She asked us where we were headed. We timidly replied...

"The Sex Museum"

We Frolicked Around the Largest Tea Farm in Korea.

The Tea Museum that we went to see in Jeju was pretty boring because there was no English signage. We really enjoyed slutting our taste buds out to the green tea, green tea biscuits, green tea cheese cake, and green tea ice cream that we consumed in the on site tea house though.

The view was also amazing, tea bushes lined up in neat little rows for as far as the eye could see. We played around in the tea fields as the distant hum of the tea cultivating machines coated the crisp, fresh air.